Murmurings from Godzone

Saturday, October 19, 2024

Study of PWS Residences in UK and USA by Linda Thornton (PWSA NZ) 1999

 In 1999 I was awarded a Winston Churchill Scholarship to study the residential options available in USA and UK.  At the end of this, I wrote my report.  You can see it here.

It is now 2024 and things have changed. A lot. In the 1980s much was done to investigate to give the best possible lifestyle to people with mental impairment, various syndromes, and a lot of too-hard-to-handle designates who were living in huge mental hospital type accommodation.  So with the breakdown of large institutions came an upsurge of smaller residential options.  Some good, some not so good.  And very few catered for those with PWS.  You see, putting people with PWS into a group home (no more than 5 residents) meant  putting rules and regulations around security of food, security of personal items, security of money etc was now impinging against the other 4 residents.  And, in spite of all the good intentions and all the changes in funding, separating people with PWS into mixed residences was failing.  And so is the case with my daughter.  

Quick dash to Melbourne

 In April 2021 the borders between Aus and NZ were opened.  We took advantage of this and booked ourselves on one of the first Qantas flights out of Wellington to Melbourne.  We wore masks on the plane, but didn't seem to wear masks anywhere else.  We surprised the grandchildren by knocking on the door around 7pm - what a reaction from them!!

We had a quiet time, not going anywhere else but doing a few day trips.  We went up Mount Macedon and to an amazing garden built by two guys with fantastic foresight.  This is my most favourite place.  


Hip 2 Op

 Exactly to the month, 10 years ago (24 July 2012), I had my first hip operation and I've just read the blog describing it and the recovery in some detail.  A fortnight ago, 5 July 2022, I had the second hip done.  It followed pretty much exactly the same procedure and outcome as detailed in my earlier blog.  The funny thing is, the way I remember the first hip op was that it was absolutely painless, hassle-less, with a smooth, non-eventful recovery.  I kept telling everyone that this second op would be the same - painless with a quick recovery.  Weird how the mind plays tricks.

This operation, with a different surgeon, has been painful and slow - and I've kept harping on how good the first hip was.  I'm so glad I documented that because I've just been lying to myself and anyone else who would listen.  Oops.  

We're now in town (Masterton), having shifted from the country about 4 years ago.  Settling in was fairly easy although to begin with I missed the country very much.  Our new house is lovely, catches all the sun, has been completely re-dressed with new carpet and paintwork inside and has loads of room and I love it.  So recovering in this home has been easy (if painful) with separate bedrooms and bathrooms, a 'media' room for the tv with a highbacked and high-seated chair for those in hip recovery.  I have to say, Pip has had the benefit of the high-seated chair both this year and last as she has also had both hips done.  It's bloody wonderful that we have the benefit of not only advanced surgery, but insurance as well.  



Wednesday, July 27, 2022

Lockdown AGAIN!

 September 2021

Hard to bloody believe, but here we are in lockdown again!  One person in Auckland responsibly had a test as he was feeling symptomatic and it was positive for the latest Delta variant.  Jacinda slapped the whole country into Lockdown 4 (which was poo-poohed by the rest of the world) but an action which has done us well in the past.  We're in Masterton this time around and have a much better choice of supermarkets, chemists etc.  It's not all bad, I guess.  The inoculation for covid is now available and oldies and the disadvantaged are able to get first dibs. 

Trying to plan ahead for our 50th wedding anniversary in January 2022, trying to work out whether Lucy and kids are able to come out then, or in February, and everything else is up in limbo.  That's what this pandemic has done to us all.  Put us into a state of limbo.  In some ways it's not a bad thing.  In others, it makes you feel helpless and powerless.  All the freedom we've come to think of as our right, has been curtailed.  No social events, no dining out, certainly no travel - and yet, people think and work outside the square.  Never before have there been so many Kiwi road trips taken by us all; exploring areas not been to, marvelling over the lack of tourists and having the places all to ourselves.    Once the lockdown had been lifted and we could at least travel regionally, that's pretty much what the whole of New Zealand started to do.  We went to New Plymouth, Rotorua, Waiheke Island with Anne & Tim and Viv & Alec.  These three-day breaks were really great.  Each couple took a turn to cook a meal and provide breakfast - lunch was eaten out.  We had a lot of laughs.


Tuesday, December 8, 2020

Lockdown


Here in New Zealand we are at Stage 4 of the Coronovirus pandemic.  Our government has ordered us to go home and stay home.  We may go out to the supermarket for food, to the chemist for prescriptions and medication, or to the vet for our pets' needs.  Nothing more.  We may take short exercise breaks and walk around the block, but we may not gather with anyone outside our own 'bubble'.  This way we will extend the virus's curve, lessen the pressure on hospitals and hopefully beat the outbreak here.  At this stage, 1106 people have tested for positive; there has been 1 death, and there are 13 people in hospital, 3 in ICU, one critical.

It's certainly a strange time and quite unusual to experience such a total lockdown, but we are sticking to the rules and most of us are coping.  We are lucky to have such great technology to be able to communicate with those outside our bubble and to stay in touch.

I have decided to write one haiku a day as a small discipline, so here we go!


Day 1:  26 March 2020

Just five syllables
Corona virus lockdown
Turn the key, Keep Out

Day 2:
Very quiet here
Voices drift across paddocks. 
Should I play bagpipes?

Day 3:
Sharp knife, unlatch gate,
quickly slice white mushroom heads.
Neighbours watching me

Day 4:
Gloved and distancing
Adam delivers the food
No wine, one apple.

Day 5
Monday, the week starts
Is time going to  matter?
Each day is the same

Day 6
Lots of lockdown jokes
 people enjoying their time
the experience


Day 7
Local store has wine
and rather sad old veges
I really want fresh fruit

Day 8
Autumn is perfect
Clear days, warm sunshine; I think
"one last bracing swim?"


Day 9
Covid deaths rising 
Trump says over by Easter
Bullshit, Trump, bullshit

Day 10
The lake is perfect
No fishing,  and no boating,
Just isolation

Day 11
An outing for food
Fresh vegetables - silver beet
I love it so much!

Day 12
My grandparents’ lives,
Their lockdowns, war, and hardships
with no screentime help

Day 13
Boredom has set in
Unsettled, restless, endless
Don't moan! But I do.

Oddly enough, I didn't carry on.  Lockdown lasted 5 weeks.  We spent these at the bach and brought Francie up with us.  It was an odd time, knowing nothing about the virus, not knowing how long we would be in lockdown, not knowing if you caught it, would you die?  Every day seemed to be another 'first'.  We had weekly cocktails with Anne & Tim, Viv & Alex.  There were an extraordinary number of jokes doing the rounds of social media, and an extraordinary number of people going to great lengths to entertain - opera singers from balconies singing for their neighbourhood - and to help others.  The front-line workers, ambulance, doctors, nurses, volunteers, were phenomenal.  People seemed to rise to the occasion and unite.  

Various countries became leaders in the corona virus death stats.  Trump pronouncing it would be over by Easter and that it was just like the flu.  He called it the China virus and refused to wear or advise wearing a mask.  Finally the stupid bastard caught Covid and was rushed to hospital.  He survived and became a martyr to his cause.  There has been so much written about Trump that I'm not going to repeat the stupidity or irrationality of the pompous little prick.  Save to say that he was voted out in November and Jo Biden is now the President elect.  Trump continues to say the election was rigged.  Of course he does.

Enough already.  Christmas is looming and it will be without the Melbourne team, and the Wellington team is going north with the Suggate family.  Francie, Nick and I will be contributing to Anne, Tim and Charles' BBQ up at Katy's new house in Taupo.  Katy et al are with his parents.

January 2019


"And so we start at the beginning of another year.  I am in a frantically bad space.  My mood is constantly irritable and the list of things that I hate is endless.  But most of all I hate and loathe PWS.  It disgusts me, it angers me..."


I started that blog at the beginning of 2019.  I didn't complete it and I didn't come back to blogging until the end of this year.  It's hard to pick up from where I left off, but I recognise the feelings which have come and gone all year and will remain for the rest of my life.   This year was no worse than the one before it, or the other 36 years living alongside Prader-Willi syndrome except that I had another significant birthday and I have finally retired from working for the International PWS Organisation.

I never finished this blog and now it's nearing the end of 2020 possibly the worst year in this century, at least so far.  Being in a bad space was to become the norm for 2019 and the realisation that I had to free myself from some of the bondage that was pressing me under resulted in my retirement from IPWSO in November of 2019.  IPWSO had become my life, just as the New Zealand PWS Association had been.  But this time, it was so much easier to let go; the timing was exactly right.  My enthusiasm had waned and continued to do so, my empathy was sadly lacking and although I knew I was the perfect person for distressed parents to contact, it was becoming difficult to drum up the necessary energy to take on yet another burden with unsolvable problems.  So the time was right.  The run-up to Christmas was so much easier and although it seemed as though I was no longer important or needed, those feelings lasted just a few days before the joy of freedom to do what I pleased, to sleep in, to attend no more early morning or late night conference calls, no more Minutes, no more answering questions, sending out requests for donations (really hated that part), and no more being obliged to anyone.

It's a year later and although 2020 has been a shit year for the world, it has allowed some breathing space, some quiet times with Francie and some thought for re-direction.  As it happens, during 2020 I took up sketching and water-colouring and continued, when possible, with pottery.  At least NZ managed to get through the Covid attack in a better state than most of the world.


Sunday, December 15, 2019

Hello, I'm Danny


“Hello,” he said, “I’m Danny.”  I’d seen him as I’d walked into the store and noticed him looking at me, but not taken too much notice.  People often look at me when I’m out with my daughter.  When she was very young, it was her copper-coloured hair that attracted people.  Later, it was her behaviour that drew attention and her insistent demands for whatever she decided she wanted, and wasn’t allowed.  Nowadays it’s because of her size.  I hate to admit it, but her weight has gone out of control this year and I’m panicking. 

But, back to Danny.  He held out his hand, and, since it is the season of Goodwill, I shook it and smiled.  “I’m the manager here,” he continued. 

“Oh,”  I said, thinking that new managers now liked to introduce themselves to their customers, being as it was, the season of Goodwill.  “Are you new here?”

“No, I’m not.  And this is my floor manager,” he continued, indicating the person standing next to him.  “We have a video of this young person,” indicating my daughter, “stealing some body lotion from the shop.”

The blood drained from my face as I thought, Oh God, here we go again.  Danny produced his phone and asked if I’d like to see the store video.  I agreed, as my daughter was protesting her innocence and things would certainly continue to escalate unless we could settle this one way or another.  “I recognised her, and you, when you came into the store.  The video is from March, this year, but, look “he pointed, “there you both are coming into the store and there you are,” indicating to my daughter,” taking the body lotion out of its box, putting the box back, and the bottle of lotion down your front.”
It was undeniable.  My daughter started blustering, “I don’t remember doing that, I have no memory of doing that.”

I felt humiliated, shocked, angry, and ultimately, surprised that she had done this.  Usually if she wants something, she sneaks it into my shopping trolley and by the time we get to the check-out I generally pay.  No need to shoplift.  So all I could do was to agree to pay for the item, and thank him for not trespassing both of us. 

I crawled out of the supermarket on my hands and knees – figuratively, not literally – and prayed for strength.  This was only day one of a two-week Christmas holiday…

Saturday, December 7, 2019

Fleeting love

It's been a while.  Still.  You can listen to this while I think...

Tell me, how often do you fall in love?  I don't mean the all-consuming, absorbing, self-centered love, I mean, how often do you hear the pure sound of a song that simply speaks to you, reaches your soul.  No one else involved, just you and the sound that conjures up the perfection you would so desire to achieve, but never will.

What about the purity of a child's smile the first time it is given to you, or the outreach of arms that, for the moment, are for you alone?  Maybe it's a sunset that fills you with awe, or perhaps the birdsong in Spring that wakes you on a quiet morning.  It can be anything, really, that touches your spirit and moves you a sense of great beauty or tranquillity.

It doesn't happen often and often we miss the moment, too busy, too tired, too absorbed in something else.  It's fleeting love.



Wednesday, February 17, 2016

What price a syndrome?



Written in 2005
(clearing out files, found this...and wondered who had written it)


At the end of this year, I found myself looking back over the last 22 and mentally totting up the cost of having a child born with a syndrome.  Not the financial cost, the emotional cost.  In this particular case, our youngest daughter was born with Prader-Willi Syndrome 22 years ago when no one really knew anything about it, much less be able to tell me the cost it would incur to our family.  Had I known even then, I wouldn’t have been able to do much anyhow.  In 1972 not much had changed in the scientific understanding since PWS was first identified in 1957.

I was brought up in the Baby-boomer years, the tail end of a time when doctors were still Gods, when politicians were benign, rather helpful people who talked a lot in Parliament and ate a lot at Bellamy’s.  There was a general acceptance that we had the best health system in the world and were leaders in looking after the poor and needy.  Most of us grew up still thinking that.

As first children born to parents who had endured the war years, we wanted for nothing.  Visits from Plunket nurses, school milk, free education.  Growing up in the 50s, I remember long summer holidays, listening to favourite radio programmes, playing in the streets and the parks til dusk, walking to and from school, safe in the knowledge that nothing and no one would harm us.  It was a formative childhood about to take a huge tumble into adulthood.

Along came the Muldoon years – the Muldoon family lived just down the street from us and my father would tip his hat to Muldoon (“Mister  Muldoon, from you!”) if ever he saw his Government car coming down the road.  He approved of women in Parliament, only if they knew their place, so he heartily  disapproved of Marilyn Waring.  Approval of the Vietnam War was a priority in our household and woe betide any teenage daughter who dared venture a contrary opinion.  Women’s Lib mystified him.  What was the point? My father was the head of the household and such was the hierarchical system that what he said, went.  Whoever was at the top of whatever system, therefore, must be right, so years later after my father had died and when my daughter was born with Prader-Willi Syndrome, my expectation was that whoever was in charge would know all the answers.

They didn’t.  Tests in hospital, mutterings from groups of doctors on their rounds, hastily scrawled notes hidden from my view, and no answers.  Apart from a nurse whose arrogance led her to speculate that my baby probably had brain damage. My world was shattered.  Not just the emotional collapse of having a child with an unidentified syndrome, but my faith in the hierarchical system that my father led me to believe was infallible, was shattered.

Thus began the long haul to adulthood.  Three years of listening to doctors make vague assumptions about my child’s condition and coming up with nothing substantial finally led me to an article in an Australian Woman’s Weekly magazine.  There was a picture of a young man with Prader-Willi Syndrome and a photo of him as a baby.  It was a very real Damascus experience, and, armed with the article, I went to see the Professor of Paediatrics at Wellington Hospital.  He diagnosed me as an “over-anxious mother” and sent a letter to my own GP stating as much.  By this time, I knew I was right and I knew with my whole being that this was the answer.  Smashing at the doors of the hierarchy I demanded a second opinion.  My three year old daughter was duly considered by another specialist who gave her blocks to play with, crayons to draw with, and concluded that she was “delayed”.  Coincidentally, as she ushered me to the door, she pointed to a young girl about 8 years old and said, “now, that girl has Prader-Willi syndrome, you don’t think your daughter has anything like that do you?” 

Why on earth couldn’t she see what I could see?  For me, it was like looking down a telescope of years into the future.  It was the start of a long search, and, bearing in mind this was pre-google days when everything had to go by post, it was a lengthy process.  Everyone who came in contact with my daughter – speech therapists, physiotherapists, doctors, specialists – were all taken to task by her over-anxious mother.  The breakthrough came when I burst into tears, banged the table and yelled my frustration to an occupational therapist that no one ever listened, that she looked quietly at me and said, “I have a child with Down’s Syndrome, I do understand.  I will find an address in America of the PW Association for you.”  And she did.  I am still in her debt.

Little by little I began to piece things together.  It required patience and an understanding of things medical and scientific that were way beyond me.  I read everything with a medical dictionary beside me.  I made lists.  I compared characteristics.  I ended up at the IHC, in tears again, asking why no one knew what Prader-Willi Syndrome was, for by now I was very certain this was the diagnosis.  I was listened to and given not sympathy, but tools to work with: names of parents (this was pre the Privacy Act, when contacts were easier to come by), a small amount of funding to set up a support group, and more importantly, some confidence to work with.  Their support over the years has been generous, willing, and very enabling. 

That was 19 years ago and the beginning of what is today the Prader-Willi Syndrome Association; a very pro-active, knowledgeable, and keenly aware group of parents who are prepared to fight for the rights of their children.  They know way more than I ever did, the diagnosis of their babies is made not through the pages of a weekly magazine, but quickly and accurately through the microscopic thread of DNA.  They do not have to search the world for information, support, and a handbook of What To Do; it has all been done by others before them.  The increase of scientific knowledge has been extremely rapid: the discovery of a small deletion on 15th chromosome which is the cause of PWS and is also linked to obesity (now giving scientists and drug companies a huge incentive to find a ‘cure’); the discovery that growth hormone treatment will vastly improve the physical ability and body composition of a child; a far greater tolerance of people with disabilities, a greater understanding of what they need to make their lives rewarding and fulfilling.

There was the breakthrough in October 2006 after battling with Pharmac for years, that the Association finally gained recognition in having PWS accepted as a separate category for Growth Hormone Treatment.  And, in spite of ridiculously stringent criteria, a few children are now undergoing treatment with stunning results.  This treatment must be recognised as the best medical treatment we have for children now, and those yet to be born, in giving them a chance of a more normal life.

At what cost?  I look back over 22 years at the struggle to have my daughter even diagnosed, let alone find support.  We’ve just come through Christmas, a period of time when family and friends come together to eat, drink, be merry, relax and enjoy time together.  For our family, it’s a time of watchfulness, of making sure cupboards, refrigerators, pantries, are locked and secured.  Of locking the drinks cabinet, of hiding wallets, purses, and loose change.  Of trying to persuade others not to give chocolates, cakes, and sweets as gifts.  It’s a time of stress for all. 


The cost to any family is enormous.  The sacrifices, sibling embarrassment, tears, guilt, heartache and despair.  Then there’s all the stress, strife, arguments and self-pity.  That’s the cost, and you pay for it with guilt, tears, and love.



Friday, January 17, 2014

Music hath charm

Music hath charm.  That's what my music teacher wrote in my autograph book when I was about 10 years old.  I always remember that.  Not that my piano-learning years charmed anyone, but it was formative in my love of beautiful music.

Does anyone not like music?  Young babies, small children, old people, all respond to the beauty of music, in all its forms.  It transports, it calms, it excites, it pacifies, it empowers, it speaks of love, it speaks to the inner self.

Jan Garbarek is a Norwegian saxophonist who plays jazz, but this piece is contemplative and definitely not jazz.  (No longer available :-(  but here's another rendition with the saxophone - it just has to have the sax!)

Music truly speaks when listened to alone. 


Sunday, October 20, 2013

Where is Joy? Has she left the house?






When I started this post, Joy was nowhere to be found.  She'd come to stay a while back now, around about the same time as Lucy and Ethan.  It was great to see her again, especially as she'd said she wouldn't be back unless there was something to come back for - so, surprise, surprise, when I mentioned the new grandson, she immediately arrived.

I think she doesn't like to be left out on things; well, things that matter to her, that is.  There are heaps of things she avoids becoming involved in.  She doesn't tolerate sadness at all well, she gets furious when she senses anger and simply leaves without saying a word to anyone.  Can't really blame her, I don't like it either, but, to be honest, if Joy were around all the time, I think I'd get tired of her and I don't want to ruin our relationship, after all, she's really a pleasure to have around and I welcome her company.  I'm amused by her too, I'm sure she's an extravert by nature as she seems to enjoy company, but, by the same token, she's happy to be quiet and soak in the pleasure of small things, like a sunset, or a rainbow.  She loves those.  Makes me take photographs of them all the time.  I've included a few here.   I keep telling her that they're really all the same - rainbows at least - but she assures me they are not.  It's lucky that one can store photos in the cloud now because otherwise I'd have books and books of sunsets.  Cobwebs are another thing she gets a bit tied up with.

She was sweet the other day when she came with us to visit the second grandchild.  A tiny girl, only weighing 6lb 3oz (Joy's a bit like me, can't do metric when it comes to babies), with dark hair and tiny features.  She's long, but tiny.  So like her mother - my daughter -  Joy reminded me, as she peeked over my shoulder at this tiny, small, vulnerable being, wrapped snugly in a blanket I'd knitted for her.  Joy wants to say the silliest things sometimes, gets quite sentimental.  I let her, of course, because it's easier that way.  Sometimes I just don't get the words out, myself, so it's good that Joy can do that.

Joy's been around for a few days now.  She makes me smile.

I miss her when she's not here.

Tuesday, October 15, 2013

Vincent Van Gogh

When I was a child and saw Vincent's famous 'Sunflowers' painting, I fell in love with it.  My Dad bought me a print which I hung on my wall throughout my teenage years when suffering was 'de rigeur'.  I came across this amazing collage of his paintings, set to Don McLean's "Starry Starry Night".

Am just posting it here, so I don't lose it: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nkvLq0TYiwI

Monday, May 6, 2013

Dear Mum

Dear Mum,
It's been years since I last wrote to you.  I remember when I was at school, everyone would write home once a week and, of course, how we all waited so impatiently for the post delivered by Matron once a day at lunch-time.  I loved getting your letters.  Then when I was overseas, doing my OE (overseas experience - what they call today, a gap year), you wrote every week as well.  I remember you and Dad had a terrible flu and how cross you were in one of your letters as I hadn't acknowledged how ill you both were, but had simply asked for more money.  Still, at least you both gave up smoking.

When I married, you wrote weekly.  When we went overseas to live, you wrote weekly.  Then, just as the internet was starting to weave its magic around the world, you died.  You would have been quite up with the play, email would have held no qualms for you, I know.  You'd have had a computer, then a laptop, and a smart phone by now.  You'd have loved keeping in touch with the girls, too.  You know, Mum, they're both married now and you're a great-grandmother and about to become one again.  You would love the new little grandson, Ethan.  How you would love his dear little face, his laughter, his almost desperate desire to be on the move all the time.  He's just like his mother - remember how she was so keen to be up and running before she'd even learned to crawl?  He looks like her too; blue eyes, blond hair.

And you would love to know about C and their baby, due the same month as your birthday; who knows, it might even be on the same day!  I know you would have been busy sewing, quilting, patchworking for them both.  I've done my best, but it's not nearly as good as your timeless quality quilts.  I look at the ones I have; the ones you said were to go to each daughter.  I haven't given them to them yet.  Just waiting til they've got the right rooms for them.  I will never be a patchworker or a quilter; not the same as you were.  I don't sew much these days - but I did knit for Ethan when he was a newborn.  I'll get out the needles again for the new baby and for something for Ethan for winter.  They're Nan's needles - yes, I have her knitting needle bag, I even have the old bakelite wool holder - remember it?  Yellow, with a hole in the top for the wool to come out, and a blue ribbon.  I never threw that away; and I also have your needles, your patchwork material, loads of old hexagon patches that I think you must have given up on.  I used a few in the quilt that I made for the cot that Ethan has.  I made them into large hexagons and stitched them by hand onto the material.  Everything was done by hand.  I did it for you, really.  The same as today when I made pots and pots of crab-apple jelly, just as you used to do.  And Nan used to, too.

It's funny how these things get passed down.  At the time, they seem of no consequence whatsoever.  But somehow they are all rooted deep within one's psyche, and there comes a natural time when you just do them without even thinking.  I wonder if my girls will remember and do the same.  I notice Lucy is making all Ethan's baby meals and taking great pride in doing so.  She emails me, or sends pixts of what she is doing.  You would have loved that - can you imagine receiving a picture on your phone, or even a video clip?  It's immediate.  And it's such a wonderful way of keeping in touch.  Which is why I haven't written, really. But I write to you in my head, every day.  And I know you answer because I see you in my dreams.

With love,
xoxo

Bones again

Ok.  It's now 6 months after the knee and 9 months after the hip operations.  The knee is really great!  It's hard to believe, but the pain has gone, the flexibility is there (although kneeling is still difficult and sore), the swelling has gone and the scar is fading.  It's almost impossible to believe especially as the first few months I felt as though I would never be back to normal.  I'm so pleased with the knee.

But something has happened with the hip.  I believe it's the psoas ligament which is causing pain when I raise my leg, get into the car, go up steps, and when I walk uphill.  It's no so bad walking on level ground, but it is debilitating and although I didn't notice it after my operation (perhaps I thought it was all part of the healing, and perhaps it was disguised a little by the recovery period after the next operation), it is noticeable now.  I went to have a cortisone injection which my surgeon advised, but unfortunately it didn't work.  I now face having a bone scan to discount an problems with the bones, and then a cutting of the actual ligament.  The end result will mean continued problems with going up steps (and climbing), but other ligaments will come into play and presumably help strengthen the hip.  It seems this is likely as the surgeon doesn't think there is anything else wrong.  The operation isn't as simple as I'd anticipated; it is a 2-3 day stay in hospital with rehabilitation taking up to 3 more months.  I am not terribly happy, but what else can I do?

Ok... Here's the postscript:
I grew more and more concerned with the thought of having the psoas tendon cut so I asked a retired physio her opinion and thank God that I did.  She recommended deep pressure massage, something I'd not thought about or considered, and certainly something that my surgeon had thought about.    After an hour long massage and therapy, I felt 50% better.  Next day I was 80% better, and so far, each day has shown a real improvement.  It's only been a week, but I am just so relieved to have had this 'rescue'.

Here's the question:
Why is one not offered all these alternatives, or given different options? 

Sunday, January 13, 2013

Something for the Soul - Il Divo


I love this music, it is so vital.  I love watching these beautiful people!  I've listened to this frequently and the words of Amazing Grace still work; they teach the meaning of 'grace'. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GYMLMj-SibU
And besides, I love the bagpipes!


So tired of my bones - Week 10

So, so tired.  The knee is taking such a long time to get back to normal.  Of course "everyone" says that the knee is worse than the hip, but how many of them have had both done in the course of 6 months? 

So tired of all the advice, none of which is "good" and all of which is based usually on hearsay.  So tired of feeling tired, especially after exercising.  The best time of the day is early morning when the knee hasn't had a chance to swell, the scar looks as though it's fading (10 weeks) and there is a good feeling of well-being.  Of course, all that depends on whether there's been a good night's sleep preceeding it.  I weaned myself off sleeping pills at week 9 although I didn't force the issue.  If I felt I couldn't sleep, then I simply took a pill.  Then, fairly suddenly, the body just got back into a rhythm of sleeping.  But turning over means waking to place the knee or hip carefully... and sleeping in strange beds (yes, even at my age) plays havoc. 

The feet are still sore and tender and occasionally the knee will spazz on me and nearly put me on the ground.  Recovery is slow.  Instead of a daily realisation of improvement in strength, as with the hip, this is more a fortnightly realisation, such as that I may not have to swing my knee a couple of times to unclick it before getting into the car, or that I can clamber up the stairs without clinging with both hands to the handrail. 

There have been no New Year's Resolutions this year.  Little point, really, when recovery is first and foremost on my mind.  The only good thing has been an unanticipated weight-loss through the feeling of constant nausea.  Sorry to say that has gone away and the appetite is back, but am hopeful I can keep the weight away. 

Went to aqarobics this morning and the knee is very tender now.  Muscles in both legs are sore along with the arms.  Which proves how good the exercise is for one.  If only the chlorine didn't make the skin super-sensitive.

So, week 10: 
  • walking better, but rolling gait.  Need more physio.
  • Swimming and aqarobics are good, strong exercises
  • Still feel sorry for myself, wishing I could be back to normal
  • Tiredness still there, even though diet and sleep and exercise are good
  • Walking up stairs help to strengthen the quads
  • Need stronger quads - can't stand on one leg and balance - or walk up stairs without lunging at the handrail
  • Rest quite a bit with leg up - watching stupid tv like Come Dine with Me
  • Find it difficult to concentrate for long on any subject
  • Sitting on hard chairs is uncomfortable.
  • Driving is fine, but cramped in one position is very uncomfortable
  • Can't get up from chairs quickly. That includes the loo.
  • Still clicks and graunches!
Time, as they say, will tell.  I'll keep an eye on it for you.

Monday, December 3, 2012

Marcia Russell


Some 20 years ago, I picked up the phone extension in the woolshed office and the person on the other end introduced herself as Marcia Russell.  I knew I knew that name from somewhere; surely this was the editor of “Thursday” magazine.  But why was she ringing me?  “I have a daughter”, she said, “who was recently diagnosed as having Prader-Willi syndrome by the mother of another girl with PWS, standing at the counter of a shop in town.  I just need to talk.”  A good hour later, I felt as though I’d found a kindred spirit.  Although Kate was a few years older than my daughter, Francie, what Marcia and Tom had gone through rang so many bells that it could have been orchestrated.   

This was the beginning of a long friendship, founded on PWS, but built by each of us into a strong relationship.  I have always felt lucky to know Marcia – for a start, she was a strong role model for all of us growing up in the 60s; her vibrancy, great sense of humour, her verbal skill, her ability to quickly grasp a situation, to sort the wheat from the chaff, is a rare find.  It wasn’t long before I asked her if she would be part of the PWS Association that I was struggling to form.  So many parents whose children had PWS were simply unable to commit to anything else but trying to grapple with their own situation.  But Marcia had enough energy and drive to do both and for many years she was a strong member of the Association’s Board.  She knew and understood the limitations of the syndrome, the difficulties faced by parents and families, the issues in confronting disbelieving professionals, and was able to educate and inform and support others.   She, and Tom, attended conferences, met with, and also hosted specialists of the syndrome
When Kate went to  Salisbury School for Girls in Richmond, Nelson, Marcia took a seat on the board and became Chair.  Her ability to lead the board was exemplary and she guided Salisbury through some difficult times.  I know this from firsthand experience as I also joined the board as our daughters progressed their way through the school. 

Marcia’s loyalty as a friend could never be doubted.  Her loyalty to our New Zealand PW Association was always strong and she brought wisdom, wit, and compassion to her job.   In those days when I was often struggling to run the Association, I could always rely on her to hear me out, offer wise counsel and give support.   I know others have found the same. 

We shared some good times over a few glasses of wine. Laughter and tears of mirth and despair.  


Marcia died on 1 December, 2012.   I shall miss her greatly.

Thursday, November 15, 2012

On becoming a grandparent

I have a grandson!  Our first grandchild!  There is great joy in that statement; hard to describe really, as it is quite different from the joy of having one's first child.  There is a sense of great satisfaction in knowing that you have helped carry on the line, as it were, you are continuing the will of the world, to procreate.

Some years ago, I recognised in myself a sense of emptiness.  Not the 'empty nest' syndrome, as that had occurred many years before when all three children had grown up and left home.  No, it was another sense of emptiness and I could not identify it until, at last, I realised it was a real deep need to know that there would be children from my children.  Weird.  Never thought about it before, never really worried or wondered, but here it was, presenting itself in a very physical way - a hollow that needed to be filled.

So, on 1st October, a baby son was born to my firstborn daughter.  The emptiness had gone - filled by new life.  The sweetest baby imaginable.  Everyone says that of their own - so it must be true.  We travelled to Australia to visit the new little family.  To wonder at the new life.  To watch him breathe, hear him cry, marvel at his perfection!

Now, he is smiling.  I can't wait to watch this child grow!


Wednesday, November 14, 2012

Kneed it?

I think I am my own worst enemy.  After having my hip done in July this year, I went back for further punishment in the form of a knee replacement.  On the opposite side to the hip.  My God.  I have never known so much agony and pain as in the first two weeks after the operation.  There was no escaping it - nowhere to hide, to curl up, to ignore the pain.  Sleep was non-existent, and tiredness affected the healing process as well. Tears were never far away.

I gathered around me whispers and threads of advice.  Someone here, with a suggestion of arnica creme to massage into the bruised leg; someone there with the thought of arnica drops to be taken orally for bone healing.  Another clue in the type of drugs I was taking (opiates) that it was ok to change them.  (Oh, they were wicked - deadening the mind, not the pain.)  Another whisper of sleeping pills - ok to take a whole one each night until you can sleep without them. Someone else with the valued knowledge of what a tubular bandage could do to help support the leg and dissipate the pain a little.  Finally, an 'ice sleeve' that wraps around the knee and fills by vacuum method with ice water.  The chill of the ice kind of overwhelmed the pain of the knee and, by concentrating on the coldness, I could overcome the pain and even sleep. Once the stitches came out and the leg stopped looking like a rolled and tied lump of meat, stretching and extending became a little easier.

Then, on day 16, a kind of breakthrough - the bruising diminished and along with that, almost overnight, went at least 60% of the pain.  I didn't dare say anything for two days, just in case I was wrong and pain was simply waiting around the corner.  But I think it is true - the bruising and having to work through the damaged muscles was causing more pain than anything else.  Did the arnica work its miracle?  yes, I think so!  To be through that pain barrier and on the other side is incredibly rewarding.  So is sunshine, and so is laughter.  I have my sister staying with me and together we can work up quite a level of childish hysteria at past things forgotten, but still hilarious.  Laughter at that level where you can barely draw breath, is so cleansing and makes you feel really happy.

There are more joints to go.  I know.  I've inherited bad joints - I have only to think of my little old grandmother, who died at the ripe old age of 93, and her bandy little legs which looked as though they were set at 45 degree angles, to even guess at the grinding pain she must have had when walking.  Same as my father.  But operations and replacement joints were not an option then as they are now.  So, I am lucky.  In pain, but very lucky!

Monday, October 1, 2012

After Sales Care

The best thing to do, according to everyone Who Knows, is to get back swimming.  This is the best after sales care for the hip, or knee or any sort of operation it would seem.  There are two things I hate about this kind of exercise:  one, the need to dry off and get into clothes in a very small cubicle without getting feet wet, clothes wet, or dropping the towel - and the mere fact of getting oneself dry properly is impossible.  The second thing I hate is the chlorine.  I hate the smell of it, and I hate the prickly feeling it gives the skin after bathing in it.

However, I love the freedom of water, the fact that exercise is not weight-bearing, and the wonderful thought that if I fell over, I would be entirely supported.  So I paid my ticket and took my chances with the aqua fitness classes.  I'd already done these before the hip replacement, so knew what I was in for.  I can cope with these, particularly if I can take a sneaky rest during the class.  So back I went.  First up was a class by Tarnz.  Tarnz is super fit.  As is Tania - not to be confused with Tarnz.  Two different women, but both look very similar.  Fit as.  Slight, brown-skinned, black hair, and with a wonderful ability to cheer you on.

We're mostly baby-boomers, especially the class for Aqua Senior which has different music - all the sort of 70's and 80's stuff that we can apparently rock on to.  And we do, many of us singing along before gulping a mouthful of the chlorinated aqua stuff or going under.  Many of us know others in the class and many of us wish we didn't have to meet others under these often undignified circumstances.  But there we are; in the same boat, as it were.

"Awesome!" is the word most frequently used by these lithe, super-fit instructors.  Not many people tell me I'm awesome, or give me so much praise for doing so little, or indeed clap me after I've finished.  "Awesome!" I hear, as I push my weary way through the water, legs hoisted up one after another, or rocketed from side to side.  I lift my chin a little - hey!  I'm awesome!  I'm awesome as I sit astride the 'noodle' and vainly try to scoot down the length of the pool with knees in sitting position.  I'm awesome as the noodle is swung two and fro under the water making my arms weak with endeavour.  I'm awesome as I scoot backwards down the length of the pool, tripping over myself in my haste not to be last.  It's quite nice to be told I'm awesome after all these years - quite a compliment, really.

I'll take it!