Dear Mum

Dear Mum,
It's been years since I last wrote to you.  I remember when I was at school, everyone would write home once a week and, of course, how we all waited so impatiently for the post delivered by Matron once a day at lunch-time.  I loved getting your letters.  Then when I was overseas, doing my OE (overseas experience - what they call today, a gap year), you wrote every week as well.  I remember you and Dad had a terrible flu and how cross you were in one of your letters as I hadn't acknowledged how ill you both were, but had simply asked for more money.  Still, at least you both gave up smoking.

When I married, you wrote weekly.  When we went overseas to live, you wrote weekly.  Then, just as the internet was starting to weave its magic around the world, you died.  You would have been quite up with the play, email would have held no qualms for you, I know.  You'd have had a computer, then a laptop, and a smart phone by now.  You'd have loved keeping in touch with the girls, too.  You know, Mum, they're both married now and you're a great-grandmother and about to become one again.  You would love the new little grandson, Ethan.  How you would love his dear little face, his laughter, his almost desperate desire to be on the move all the time.  He's just like his mother - remember how she was so keen to be up and running before she'd even learned to crawl?  He looks like her too; blue eyes, blond hair.

And you would love to know about C and their baby, due the same month as your birthday; who knows, it might even be on the same day!  I know you would have been busy sewing, quilting, patchworking for them both.  I've done my best, but it's not nearly as good as your timeless quality quilts.  I look at the ones I have; the ones you said were to go to each daughter.  I haven't given them to them yet.  Just waiting til they've got the right rooms for them.  I will never be a patchworker or a quilter; not the same as you were.  I don't sew much these days - but I did knit for Ethan when he was a newborn.  I'll get out the needles again for the new baby and for something for Ethan for winter.  They're Nan's needles - yes, I have her knitting needle bag, I even have the old bakelite wool holder - remember it?  Yellow, with a hole in the top for the wool to come out, and a blue ribbon.  I never threw that away; and I also have your needles, your patchwork material, loads of old hexagon patches that I think you must have given up on.  I used a few in the quilt that I made for the cot that Ethan has.  I made them into large hexagons and stitched them by hand onto the material.  Everything was done by hand.  I did it for you, really.  The same as today when I made pots and pots of crab-apple jelly, just as you used to do.  And Nan used to, too.

It's funny how these things get passed down.  At the time, they seem of no consequence whatsoever.  But somehow they are all rooted deep within one's psyche, and there comes a natural time when you just do them without even thinking.  I wonder if my girls will remember and do the same.  I notice Lucy is making all Ethan's baby meals and taking great pride in doing so.  She emails me, or sends pixts of what she is doing.  You would have loved that - can you imagine receiving a picture on your phone, or even a video clip?  It's immediate.  And it's such a wonderful way of keeping in touch.  Which is why I haven't written, really. But I write to you in my head, every day.  And I know you answer because I see you in my dreams.

With love,
xoxo

Bones again

Ok.  It's now 6 months after the knee and 9 months after the hip operations.  The knee is really great!  It's hard to believe, but the pain has gone, the flexibility is there (although kneeling is still difficult and sore), the swelling has gone and the scar is fading.  It's almost impossible to believe especially as the first few months I felt as though I would never be back to normal.  I'm so pleased with the knee.

But something has happened with the hip.  I believe it's the psoas ligament which is causing pain when I raise my leg, get into the car, go up steps, and when I walk uphill.  It's no so bad walking on level ground, but it is debilitating and although I didn't notice it after my operation (perhaps I thought it was all part of the healing, and perhaps it was disguised a little by the recovery period after the next operation), it is noticeable now.  I went to have a cortisone injection which my surgeon advised, but unfortunately it didn't work.  I now face having a bone scan to discount an problems with the bones, and then a cutting of the actual ligament.  The end result will mean continued problems with going up steps (and climbing), but other ligaments will come into play and presumably help strengthen the hip.  It seems this is likely as the surgeon doesn't think there is anything else wrong.  The operation isn't as simple as I'd anticipated; it is a 2-3 day stay in hospital with rehabilitation taking up to 3 more months.  I am not terribly happy, but what else can I do?

Ok... Here's the postscript:
I grew more and more concerned with the thought of having the psoas tendon cut so I asked a retired physio her opinion and thank God that I did.  She recommended deep pressure massage, something I'd not thought about or considered, and certainly something that my surgeon had thought about.    After an hour long massage and therapy, I felt 50% better.  Next day I was 80% better, and so far, each day has shown a real improvement.  It's only been a week, but I am just so relieved to have had this 'rescue'.

Here's the question:
Why is one not offered all these alternatives, or given different options?